I did it!

Last week I was given the classification for my degree and I am very proud to tell you that I achieved a 2:1. We're now into the final pieces of paperwork and sometime next month (hopefully) I'll get my pin and be a fully qualified midwife. This month I shall attend an interview for a job and I know I've got my fingers and toes crossed that I'll get it.

It's an odd feeling right now. I'm exhilarated and slightly scared. I am scared of no longer having that mentor looking over me and ensuring that I'm doing things correctly. Yet at the same time I am looking forward to working independently, taking all that I have learnt from my various mentors over the past three years and developing my own practice.

I am proud to be able to say that I've made it. I have managed the demands of academic life, placement and family life. Once a long time ago, I began a journey to be a teacher and over half way through the course, I failed a major assignment and dropped out. At that point I thought I had given up the chance of ever getting a degree. I had no idea what I'd do with my life and didn't really think I'd ever make anything of myself. However I feel that I have also never really given up. I have always forged forward with the belief that there is something better out there for me; that I could do more.

I am not the greatest student, I wouldn't consider myself particularly academic. When I was doing my teaching course, I averaged very low marks, scraping through each assignment. My assignments as a student midwife, have been varied....some I've got it right and others I've not done so well at. I have taken something from each experience. I have literally taken it one day at a time, one challenge at a time...never daring to think beyond being a student and simply doing my best. I also could not have done it without the amazing support of my husband who always believed in me and my family's never ending support.

At the moment I am making the most of a little time off.....spending time with my children, seeing friends that I've woefully neglected over the past three years, spending time with family, catching up on my knitting and spending time preparing for Twirling Nationals with my daughters' twirling group (if you are interested you can follow them here http://distinctiontwirlersofmedway.blogspot.co.uk/2013/04/happy-easter.html ).

It's been a long journey and in so many ways, this is just the first step on the next part of the trip. I shall aim to continue to tell you all what it is like to be a newly qualified midwife. I am looking forward to taking that step but for now I shall enjoy spending time being me.

Do you have a mental health problem?

This week at Uni we've been talking about post natal depression and mental health issues. It was unfortunate timing that the news about Felicia Boots hit the headlines. Or was it? I do think that post natal depression is not talked about enough. Depression is a stigma and not discussed as much as it should be. Allegedly Felicia did not take the medication that she needed because she was so frightened that the medication would affect her babies through her breast milk. This is not an uncommon event, although fortunately most women do not kill their children. Do you know which drugs are safe in pregnancy or to breastfeed with? No? Neither do I. However I do know where I can access the information to find out and I also know that in some situations, whilst one drug may not be suitable, there may be an alternative. Simply stopping a drug is not the best course of action. 

Felicia's case is truly tragic but there are so many others that need more support. Mental Health issues affect 1 in 4 people every year....so that could easily be you right? I know it was me. I've told you about when my brother died and naturally bereavement can be a large precursor to mental health problems. Personally I also was dealing with a variety of other difficulties in my personal life...as mentioned before, my sister's family life wasn't easy, but at the same time my husband had lost his job, we were struggling financially and at the time, it just felt like everything was going wrong. Usually an optimistic person, I became consumed with the thought that some people were just unlucky and no matter how hard they tried, their lives would always be miserable, and who was to say that wasn't me. I had thoughts of leaving my family....not of suicide, just of driving away and living somewhere far away from them. I decided I was bad luck and I would bring nothing good to them. Luckily I have a wonderfully supportive family and friends, and I sought help from the GP. I was immediately referred for counselling and given regular appointments with my doctor. Initially my GP was reluctant to prescribe anti-depressants because I was breastfeeding and he was unsure if they were safe. Encouraged my friends, I returned to my GP armed with information from the Breastfeeding Network http://www.breastfeedingnetwork.org.uk/drugs-in-breastmilk-information-and-factsheets.html and I was given the medication that I needed. Fortunately for me, the medication and counselling I had, helped me. I recovered without any major side effects. I was lucky. I am no longer in counselling, and I am no longer on medication. However it's also not something I shout about.

If doctors are afraid to prescribe the medication that people need then it's really no surprise that women are afraid to take it, in pregnancy or whilst breastfeeding. But where does this leave the women that so desperately need help. What about those women who have serious mental health issues such as bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, obsessive compulsive disorder, psychosis etc... The medication that they take can be essential to them being able to live a "normal" life. There are only 13 mother and baby units in the UK. This means that any mother requiring inpatient care for a mental health issue is more likely to be separated from her baby due to the lack of this vital resource. 

The NHS offers this page as advice for anyone worried about postnatal depression.

http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/pregnancy-and-baby/Pages/feeling-depressed-after-birth.aspx#close

I don't have the answers to the problem but I hope that I do remember to talk to women...to take that time and listen and ensure that they are getting the support they so desperately need. I will do my absolute best to ensure that women aren't stopping medication unnecessarily. I will encourage women to speak up if they are feeling down and I will encourage family members to watch out for the signs of postnatal depression. But this is something you can look out for too....with friends, family members, colleagues, neighbours. Not necessarily postnatal depression but any form of mental health issue. Let's break down this stigma and offer people the help they really need. 

Tagged!

I've been tagged on Twitter by @naomiwinters_  to answer a few questions! I do like a challenge so here we go! I have been tagged to complete the sentences below and to tag 5 fellow bloggers who I would like to see do the same.

I am.....thinking about my brother today. Today should be his birthday....he would have been 37 and that feels very strange. In case you haven't read some of my other posts but I lost my brother almost 5 years ago to a brain tumour. When I meet new people and they ask if I have brothers or sisters, I hesitate. I don't want to not mention him, but I know the reaction I'll get when I say I have a brother that died. Anyway today I spent the day with my Mum, Dad and sister - we had lunch and enjoyed spending the time together. We certainly didn't sit around and cry or get sad, he wouldn't have wanted that, he didn't like a fuss.

The bravest thing I have ever done is.... taken antidepressants. Or potentially I guess it was the first trip to the doctors to admit I was struggling with life. Depression is a very lonely experience and for me it felt ridiculous that I could be depressed. I was a coper, I was an optimist, things didn't get me down so how could it be that I was depressed. However the reality was that I thought my family would be better off without me - not that I was suicidal, but that I shouldn't be in their lives as I was clearly bad luck and they'd be better off with someone else. Looking back I can see how ridiculous that was, but at the time I completely believed it. I was lucky that I had good friends who helped me to see that I needed some help; they encouraged me to approach my doctors for advice which thankfully I did. It takes a far braver person to admit they need help, than to do something on your own, in my humble opinion.

I feel prettiest when.... well now I don't have great self confidence in my looks. I don't think I'm pretty. However I guess I felt at my prettiest on my wedding day and my husband always tells me I look beautiful; whilst I don't believe him, I appreciate he believes it and that means far more than anything to me.

Something that keeps me up at night is.....well it doesn't take much to keep me up at night because I am a night owl and a bit of an insomniac. It's far harder to get me up in the morning. Whenever I am worried I do tend to suffer more with the insomnia.

My favourite meal is.....my Mum's roast lamb with all the trimmings followed by rhubarb or apple crumble with custard....and that has to be runny custard not the thick stuff you can stand a spoon up in.

The way to my heart is....through being a genuine, honest, kind and big hearted person.

I would like to be.....a Midwife but I guess you knew that.

So five bloggers I'd like to see join in are
https://copperhobnob.wordpress.com/

http://generationwhynot-stupidgirl.blogspot.com/

http://www.totallylaurasummers.com/

http://snipsnaphappy.blogspot.com/

http://www.bushbb.com/

I look forward to reading yours!

Oh and here is a link to Naomi's
http://www.naomiwinters.com/?p=34