Tomorrow will be the first day of third year and I feel a little bit strange about the whole idea. It doesn't seem 5 minutes ago that I was just starting and I don't feel like I know enough to be in my final year; although I also can barely remember what it was like to not be a student if that makes sense? As a first year meeting a third year, I assumed that they were confident and knew what they were doing and it worries me that I don't feel confident at all and often feel that I don't know what I'm doing. However the rational part of me does recognise that I do know far more than I did two years ago and there are some things that I can now do easily.
I continue to meet with the women on my caseload and it's an odd experience in many ways. It's really lovely to see them and I am enjoying seeing their bodies change in pregnancy and share their excitement but at the same time it's a bit of an odd experience. When I go to an appointment with them, I am often coming from home, having been enjoying some time out and it then feels completely out of context unlike when I am on placement. I have to take a moment to put my professional hat on and to just think about what needs to be done.
Suddenly here I am 2 months later and suddenly realised that I didn't finish this blog post.....sorry! Anyway I am already back on placement and have faced a number of new challenges. I have spent two weeks with the Special Care Baby Unit and whilst I respect the work that they do, it's not the job for me. I did enjoy chatting with the parents there and it was very interesting to see the differences between the parents that had been to and fro the unit for some time and the parents of newly admitted babies. It must be such a frightening experience for them and not one any parent plans for when they start their pregnancy journey. I have also just read Saul: Between Two Eternities by Rosemary Kay which I found an addictive read. It's the story of a baby in a neonatal intensive care unit, told from the baby's perspective and a story I would recommend.
Since my time there I've been back in Delivery Suite and appear to be on a medicalised birth run at the moment. I'm getting good experience of theatre and emergencies but I am craving some normality....something which I expect happens to most students and maybe even qualified midwives at times. It has been a relief to see my case loading women and touch base with normality but I can't deny a normal birth would be very much welcomed right now. Still I can't complain too much because of the 40 deliveries that I have to facilitate before qualifying, I'm already up to 35.
In the midst of placement I am also starting work on my dissertation and so I am surrounded by articles, web pages, books etc. I am in the stage of reading as much as possible and trying not to get too confused by it all. I also have another assignment that I am trying to complete so that I can completely focus on my dissertation. It's all work work work at the moment. Soon we'll be on our Summer holidays and I will take some time out but also working as much as I can to get it all done as far as possible. Do I feel like a third year now? Yes I think I actually do...being back on delivery suite has helped me to recognise how much I do know. And yes I do still have a lot to learn but learning won't finish with qualifying and I certainly know who I can go to for answers or where to look information up. I won't worry about what I don't know, I'll just focus on learning as much as I can from the opportunities presented to me. It won't be long and I'll be starting the process of applying for jobs but lets just take it one step at a time...just like I tell all new mums to do!